


know my secret love

by lavenderlotion



Category: Glee
Genre: Arguing, Closeted Character, Established Relationship, Light Angst, M/M, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-05 05:26:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20483603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderlotion/pseuds/lavenderlotion
Summary: “I love you too,” Kurt promises, and tells himself it doesn't hurt.





	know my secret love

**Author's Note:**

> I was watching this episode and thought, what if Kurt and Noah were secretly dating?  
S1, E4

The back door slams shut. Six loud, stomping steps and then his bedroom door slams as well. Noah bangs his way down the stairs, each step sounding like a gunshot as Kurt focuses on his breathing. He's standing in the middle of his room, phone in one hand and the other wrapped around his own waist to hold himself, a useless attempt at self-comfort. He knew Noah was going to be mad from the texts, but he wasn't expecting this.

Kurt nearly wilts away when he finally sees Noah face. The bigger boy is furious, panting for air and covered in a sheen of sweat. He probably ran over from the school to cool off, but Kurt doesn't think it did much good. When he steps off the last step, everything is still for a single moment that feels like it lasts forever.

“What the hell was that!” Noah demands, angrier than Kurt has ever seen him. It makes his stomach knot up in a way that he doesn't like.

“I don't know what you’re—”

“Don't lie to me!” Noah shouts, his voice filling the room. This time, Kurt does flinch back, making a little noise of fear before he can stamp down on the instinctual response to being yelled at by a boy wearing a letterman jacket. 

Not even a second later Noah is there, wrapping warm, gentle arms around Kurt's body and pulling him close, hugging him tightly and pressing his nose into Kurt's hair. Kurt hugs him back with a weak little noise, his eyes burning as he presses his face tightly against Noah's chest. “I'm sorry,” Noah says immediately, his voice breaking.

“So am I,” he says, knowing exactly what Noah's thinking and how badly he'll feel for yelling like that. He's admitted a few things about his dad, but Kurt has the suspicion that he was even more violent than Noah realized as a child. “I didn't know what else to do.”

And it's true. He went to Finn because he and Noah have rules. The rules work for what they need, even if Kurt is finding it increasingly difficult to remember why they have them. He knows  _ why _ , logically, and they make sense, but emotionally...being so distant from Noah at school has been weighing on him, more and more, but Kurt isn't going to bring it up. Not when Noah has so much more to lose than Kurt does.

“You could have come to me,” Noah says fiercely enough that Kurt almost believes him. And...maybe he could have, if things were different, but they have the  _ rules. _ “Fuck the rules,” Noah says harshly. He's always been able to read Kurt's silence too well. “Fuck them. I don't want you hanging over Finn, or pretending to be all goo goo eyed whenever he looks your way.”

“It doesn't mean anything,” Kurt tells him quietly, hoping the guilt he feels is clear in his voice. He didn't mean for his “crush” on Finn to work so well, but it did get him what he wanted.

“Like hell it doesn't. You're  _ mine,” _ Noah growls, his hold going even tighter. Kurt doesn't say anything, caught up in the way his heart feels like it's swelling and breaking at the same time. There are too many things he could say to that, so instead he says nothing, and they hold each as they breathe quietly, soaking up each others' presence after a day of pretending they mean less than nothing to one another.

But they have rules. And the rules keep them safe in a town that would rather see them bloodied and bruised than happy. They’ve had the rules since everything started and they’re...they’re safe. Even if they hurt. And Gaga, do they ever hurt. 

They keep holding each other as they calm down, and the tension leaves Noah’s body under Kurt’s fingertips. 

“I want to tell him,” Kurt finally whispers, hugging Noah tighter, “but I don't want him to stop loving me.”

“Hey, baby, no way is your dad gonna stop loving you!” Noah says seriously, pulling back enough to cup Kurt's face. He leans into the touch, drawing as much comfort from the gentle press of Noah's fingers against his jaw as he possibly can. “I know it's scary, but I promise he isn't gonna turn his back on you.”

“You're sure?” Kurt says weakly, staring up into brown eyes that he's fallen in love with and willing himself to believe what Noah's telling him.

“We can tell him together,” Noah swears, his hand slipping under Kurt's shirt and rubbing warm circles into the small of his back. “Maybe it'll earn me some brownie points for when Ma throws me out.”

“Noah,” Kurt says heavily, pulling back so he can see the broken expression on his boyfriend's face. He doesn’t argue, because he knows the other boy is right. As scared as Kurt is to tell his dad, he doesn’t believe that telling him will result in him being kicked out of his house. Not like Noah does. No matter how much it hurts him, he knows he can't do anything about this so he holds his boyfriend tighter and kisses the bit of skin he can reach from where they’re still pressed tightly together.

“What if...what if we tell him tonight? And then we'll have my house where we don't have to ever hide, okay?”

“Yeah,” Noah says heavily, his voice thick with emotion that makes Kurt's eyes sting. “Yeah okay. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Kurt promises, and tells himself it doesn't hurt.

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos are much appreciated!  
come say hi to me on [tumblr](https://lavender-lotion.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
